CORONA-CATION DAY 14: Pig 101

My wife said last night "I am thinking four squares for a pee." After doing some research of my own, I said "I think three square for a pee is enough, but how many for a poop?" To which she said, "I am not ready to make a call on that."  I was struck by this conversation but I thought, knowing our family we could be having this conversations even if NO Pandemic was going on.  I am married to a German and they are very .....frugal.  One good thing is Bartley could survive an apocalypse with no TP at all.  He is clearly surviving the Pandemic in style. 

For those of you who might not know Bartley, he is the Pig Extraordinaire.  

He moved with us from Texas to Colorado in 2015 and proceeded to set up shop and build a real estate empire, and become “an influencer”.  He now has a solar house abutting the back of our own house, a cabin beneath the deck and an “efficiency” in the office, which we now call the ZOOM HIVE, and where he graciously is renting me space. 

He has a portfolio, shot by professional photographer Tricia Dunlap that he sends out for modeling jobs and as PR for various things. He drives a Tesla because ….well, Tricia recommended it several years ago, and after she got him sober, he always takes her recommendations.  

He has considered the new Tesla Truck and taken friends out for test drives, but they all say they prefer the car, "...to this stupid looking robo- piece of .....".

Bartley survived the last pandemic; swine flu, and he sees no reason to panic.

Bartley has already run some disaster drills, after The Abandonment of 2010, when he had to stock his cabin with anything that he could scavenge after his family left him to face the first cold front arrival of Autumn 2010.  When we showed up at 5 pm, he realized that he might have been a little overzealous, but at least the dog was no longer blamed or chewing up the potted plants.

Then there was The Abandonment of 2019.  This truly was a bad situation. Due to a miscommunication on his care-givers parts, he was left for a week to fend for himself, with only a single cup of food and the rain water to sustain him. He survived --nay, he thrived, on the solitude. 

The Pig will be here long after we are gone.  He truly knows how to socially distance.  His internet set up for gaming, and ordering take out are second to none.   He is building a lair where he plans to go during the next Pandemic.  Every pig needs a lair.  He is reading George Orwell's Animal Farm.

 And he requires VERY, little toilet paper to manage his business.

Mountain Pig out.